Meet Brock

It finally happened guys. I have named a sex toy.

 

Meet Brock:

Oh The Pretty

No really, his name is Brock.

Now first of all we’re going to ignore the fuzzy quality of this picture. I got a new camera and haven’t worked out all the kinks. (HA! See what I did there?) It took a ridiculous amount of time to figure out how to resize and flip the image. Also something we aren’t talking about.

 

Brock is of the Pleasure Works Brand and is technically called the Cadet. He is made out of silicone (As a side note I recently got an email with somebody asking why their toy was destroyed. After some talking it came about that silicone lube was used on a silicone toy. I know it sounds like they would go together but they do not. Waterbased lubes guys… always the safe choice.)which is always a body safe win for everybody especially if you plan on sharing. Boil it and it’s sanitized. The box for this sex toy is just a standard toy box with a picture of the dildo on the front. What’s really awesome here though is that instead of all the plastic and cardboard to hold the toy inside the box it’s just a simple bag. Much less waste.

So now the things you actually care about. Packaging and such are all good things but don’t mean a damn thing if the toy itself sucks.

The base of Brock is harness compatible and as such anal safe as well (Seriously though if you manage to get lose it.. I think we’re all going to require photographic evidence and a detailed explanation as to how you actually did this). This is definitely a realistic dildo right from the coloring and feel to the design and detailing. Veins have been added along the top of the shaft giving it an even more realistic feeling than just the pronounced head would give it. What I really like here is that the veins flow in with the toy. They don’t protrude or look out of place like they can if they’re done badly. You also can’t really feel them on the toy once it’s inserted. If you’re having a really sensitive day you might but in general you don’t notice them. Which is nice, sometimes the detailing on a toy can completely ruin the feel of it and be overwhelming in a bad way. That is so not the case here. The head of the toy can obviously be felt but again, it’s done in a way that isn’t irritating or jarring.

If you haven’t guessed by now.. this toy? I love it. It’s awesome. Only thing I take issue with is I wish the base was a little wider just so it was more comfortable to hold. That’s it. One thing, and to be honest it is not a big deal and not at all a draw back. When you have to work to find a flaw in a toy you know it’s a winner. I like it enough as I was sitting here reviewing it for you I was squeezing it in my hands like a stress ball… It’s one of those new things you get that you pet and touch as you walk by because you love it that much. I have never had a toy I liked to this extent this quickly.  I think it’s actually bumped my tantus out of the first slot which I honestly didn’t think would happen at any point. It’s been there for several years.

As an added bonus the size of this toy is pretty much perfect. (16.5cm x 4.1cm) It’s big enough to give that deliciously full feeling without being immensely massive and painful to some. I like big dildos (and I cannot lie! *putting down the coffee now*) but sometimes they can just be too much. This one seems to fit no matter what your preference that day is. It is very flexible, I can bend it right in half without much effort at all. However, it still manages to be stiff enough that actually thrusting with it works just fine. It does move to fit your insides properly so you don’t end up feeling like you’re stabbing yourself but it doesn’t actually bend to the point of being useless, or frustrating while in use.
Thank you to Goodvibes for letting me review this toy. Seriously. Capital “T” on Thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some..uh, business to attend to.

 

Spamalot

So, I logged in to over 30 comments needing approval. All spam. The fuck is with that lately?!

Anyhow, Yes, I am back. It’s been a crazy whirlwind of a couple months. Most of November was actually spent in my provinces capital. Somewhere I haven’t been since I stayed with Cael. This time? About 1000x more fun. First… I actually got to leave the house and see a good portion of the city. Though in all fairness I seen more of the city in one outing than I did all of last time. I went because my cousin and his wife had just had a baby. Since he was out of town and she was by herself I decided to go up and spend some time with them. Best decision. I am so ridiculously in love with that baby. Who by the way is very well behaved… hardly cries, doesn’t cling.. he’s pretty much perfect. I may be biased though. So for the most of the few weeks I was up there I was playing with him. Since his mother had to run down to a close by city for some training I ended up spending a couple days completely alone with him… for the most part. It was the first time she had left him. She phoned. A lot. As did my cousin.

I think one of my favorite things about my trip was watching my cousin with his son. So. Awkward. Completely unsure and kinda cute which considering my cousin has been in the army since he turned 18 most of the cute had be sucked out of him. It’s awesome to watch.

During my trip there I think we spent a total of 4 days at home where we didn’t go somewhere. Woman is insanely busy. By the end of the trip noet only had I been in the City (which they do live outside of) but I had also been to Cold Creek and Saskatchewan. There was also a lot of shopping. It was right before Christmas so I did most of my shopping there. Spent an entire day wandering around the big mall there carrying the baby… twas a hardship. I keep telling my cousins wife I don’t plan to have kids so I’m just going to spoil hers. Which thus far I Am. For christmas he got some old cartoons that every child should see, some clothes and a hand drawn birth plaque. I have a package on my table waiting to be mailed up to them that has a tigger jumper and hat in it (I got really excited when I found that, who doesn’t love tigger!?) along with a batman onesie. Yes. Batman. Sephi is already fighting me on it as she claims she is the batman.

The day I went to go home we stopped a produce store before we left the city. Cheapest produce ever… my foodie was in heaven. A gigantic box full for $40? DONE. That? Was where the happy ended for a while though. However I did learn my insanity pills are working because I didn’t lose my shit the entire time. When I got home? I came back to a computer that was not turning on and when it did it wouldn’t boot up all the way. I couldn’t afford to fix it right away so it had to wait until after Christmas. Apparently the windows 8 malfunctioned. …. let me count the ways I am not impressed -.-  Not even a year old. It hadn’t been tampered with because I left it at home… nobody to touch it. THEN my phone stopped working. And I lost a diamond in my ring. Everything I owned was broken. But fast forward a couple weeks of dreading the bills and everything is fixed and I haven’t spent a cent. My computer was warranty, my phone somehow reset itself, and for some reason I am not questioning the store I got the ring from replaced the diamond at their cost. Lucky streak? I hit it.

 

Christmas was really good this year. It was the first christmas without my grandmother but it worked out okay. Eventually. There was a lot of drama to begin with because people were lieing and avoiding real reasons for shit until I finally called it and said we would do two christmas… being the bigger person so as to not create drama. Yeah. Fucking. Right. Somehow I ended up being the bad guy in that situation because “I took things wrong” Yes. I often mistake somebody stabbing my in the back and back dooring me on shit wrong. Believe it or not though… since I’ve been taking these pills I have my anger back… but I also have lost every bit of give a fuck I had so I was good with the villian thing. Even when my aunt phoned and played the Grandma, family rift card…and my dad agreed. We didn’t talk for about a week. Still not impressed honestly but whatever. My cousin, his wife and their baby came down and stayed with us. Normally they stay at my grandparents but my cousins wife wasn’t too thrilled about it since she’d basically be running grandmas house and she wasn’t comfortable with that and I don’t blame her at all. I hate going over there and being the one to clean and cook…it just feels weird. Plus she had people to talk to here and people that were excited about her son, which oddly nobody else seems to care about. (Yeah, family has been fun. I’ve pretty much disowned or disassociated myself with them all but a select few) Christmas day my cousin and his wife went to my other cousins house. (Who btw invited my cousins ex who lived with him before his wife moved in. The one they had to fight to get out. Yep. My “family” is so considerate.) My family spent it in our living room watching movies and having munchies. The next day I made dinner here and it was okay. My grandpa is not coping so well without his wife. He has however started dating somebody.. that my grandma hated.  He’s lieing to us about it though. But he’s not lieing well. She lives down the street… like we haven’t seen him. So that was a bit awkward with his attitude.

I think for major stuff that’s been about it. Oh. Except for that whole threesome thing. But we can talk about that next time. *wanders off fanning self*

Clit O’ Steel

If you’ve been reading here long enough you know I have a Hitachi Magic Wand. Yes. The Holy Grail of sex toys. The King. The Big Kahuna. The most lusted at toy since the creation of the orgasm.

I hate it.

No, that’s not accurate.

I despise that toy anywhere near anything that I hope to use in the next week.

As a back massager it’s great. It works wonders on my neck when I get tension aches. Anywhere near my clit? I will rip your arm out of your socket and beat you until you black out.

It’s not that it hurts. It doesn’t at all. It is just so soo strong that it numbs me within about a minute. So what does that mean? Why dearest pervs it means that by 90 seconds my entire Nether Yaya (BBT for the win!) is numb and can’t feel a god damned thing so my chances of orgasm? Slim to none. It has happened…with ruthless persistency. But I do not enjoy it. It’s a relief to have it stop yes but my orgasm? It gets lost. There is just way too much stimulation going on to even consider what happens an orgasm. I get more reaction when I sneeze. Yes. Serious.

I had relegated this evil wand to a neck massager. Kept it under the dresser tucked out of the way because (Will not) fuck that.

Then I discovered that if I hold the toy to the end of a flat bottomed silicone dildo it turns it into a vibrator. That I could handle. So, when NiteTimeToys asked if I was willing to review a toy for them I thought what better toy than one that may make another toy bearable?

So I got me the Spot Tip Attachment for the Magic Wand. Which couples with the Magic Connection Two.   Here’s the thing… Bliss. Hallelujah. I FINALLY get it. The tip pin points the power of the Wand  so nothing else is touched. It doesn’t numb me. It doesn’t irritate me. It was a magical thing guys. I actually FELT the orgasm.

The toy came in a clear plastic bag with a paper stapled over top stating what the toy was and some safe sex tips which I really quite liked. Minimal and useful. I found the Connector piece to be quite easy to get on the head of the Magic Wand. I did however have to take a couple minutes to work the Spot Tip on to the connector. Which I am sure has more to do with my coordination and the PVC of the Tip being new than it does actual difficulty. Clean up was simple, all I had to do was pull off the connector and remove the spot tip and clean with some soap and water. Good as new.

All in all I really like the attachment, and definitely suggest it to anybody who finds the Magic Wand itself to be just too much.

K3 Baby!

I love PinkCherry.ca … I Really do. Their site is so clean and crisp and organized. It makes it really easy to find new toys. That’s how I found the K3.

To me this is the perfectly affordable luxury vibe. The silicone is soft and silky smooth to the touch. The rabbit ears are flexible and radiate the vibrations really well. So even though the ears were a little too curved to reach my clit I still got more vibration and stimulation out of it than I have with other toys.

The only thing I do not like about this toy is that the instertable shaft is just a little too thin and needed a bit more girth for me. The power levels were easy to flip through, having 5 functions and 5 speeds gives you a lot of options. The rabbit takes 2 AAA batteries that slide easily into the compartment (I may or may not have had issues getting the end cap back on. That’s more my ridiculousness than it is a toy defect. Trust me.)

I got this vibe in a deep dark purple that just feels luxurious and classy. It’s not the typical pinky purple that most toys seem to sport and I love that.

 

Thank you pinkcherry.ca, this toy is definitely a keeper!

The Tale Of The Sleepy Crazy Person

So, I’ve been on these pills about two weeks. It says a side effect is insomnia. I’ve had a little of that, but mostly I’m just exhausted and ready to sleep by about 8 at night. Last night I ended up in bed around 930. I woke up this morning about 10. Yeah. Haven’t seen much insomnia.

I am desperately trying to function today. I have things to do. A lot of cleaning. A LOT. My bedroom for one. The dog likes to pull all my laundry out of the basket and sleep on it. It’s everywhere. That doesn’t sound like much right? Well, I also have to do the basement. The unfinished basement that has become a dumping ground for the entire house. Soo much shit down there. Everywhere. Renting a BFI bin soon and most of it can go but until then I have to clean and sort it so it isn’t such a big job when the bin gets here. It’ll take a couple days. Then I’m going to paint the bigger bedroom down there and claim that for myself. I have outgrown the one I’m in .. years ago. Biggest bonus? Down there means my own bathroom. My own living room. My own SPACE. A lot of win right there.

Just have to find the motivation to get to it at all. *sighs*

It’s Just A Ladder

First, go read this: Lexi Love

Seriously.

I’ll wait.

Done? Great.

So I finally did it. I’ve been on meds for about a week now. I actually feel a little better. Reading what Lexi had written was actually what pushed me over and made me call my doctor. It just.. made sense. Made it okay, and less scary. I haven’t been on them long but I do feel them working. I’m actually writing reviews because I’m starting to get my sex drive back. My first reaction to anything new isn’t absolute panic anymore, and when it is it isn’t as bad as it has been. If I’ve only been on them a week and it takes a couple weeks to feel them really start working… just how bad had I let this get if I’m already feeling better? That’s what’s really scary now. How far I fell. I’m posting on facebook again which I haven’t in months really. I’m also posting here without feeling anxiety or dread.. or like I need to hide. I have bad days. Always will but it’s better. I’m better. In a week I bump up to 300mg from 150mg (and no, I’m not on prozac. I also wont tell you what I am. Personal choice and there are just too many. I don’t want anybody going out and getting what I have because it works for me, doesn’t mean it will work for you. All individual reactions.) so that’ll probably help even more.

I have had some side affects. I get really nauseous sometimes, especially if I take my pill then don’t eat. Right away. Within like 5 minutes and even then my stomach is a bit floopy all day. I also get dizzy sometimes and I’ve had tension headaches at the base of my neck. A really fun one is my taste buds have changed a bit. I made chilli the other night and apparently it was really hot. I could taste a little heat but most of what I got was the sweetness from the honey I had added to balance the tomato base. So, from now on I have designated taste testers I guess. It’s worth it though. It’s so worth it.

Heffalump Love

Oh Pinkcherry.ca, you have the best things. I was sent an elephantvibrator. Yes. An elephant vibrator.

 

Granted that is not the best picture but it is very hard to get a clear picture of a see through material. This toy is made of plastic and TPE, however it can be easily cleaned as it’s not intended for full insertion. The vibrations on this toy are really great. I was expecting to have  a cute little book shelf ornament. I expected buzzy, irritating vibrations from this toy. I didn’t get them. For such a small compact toy the vibration is surprisingly deep and pleasant. As an added bonus all you need are two AAA batteries to run it. While it says it’s waterproof I haven’t tried submerging. I have trust issues in that department and don’t submerge anything other than dildos.

What I really like about this toy is that it’s portable. It’s small enough to fit into a small bag or even large pocket if you’re particularly brazen about it. It’s great for taking on dates or a movie theatre (not that I would promote that sort of thing. *cough*). While it is travel size it is not the quietest toy so it may be best saved for private places.

The remote of this toy is very simple to use. It consists of an on/off button, and a button with the number “10″ on it to indicate the number of power levels and how to access them. Which makes this clit toy a particularly user friend one especially for somebody that is new to sex toys.

All in all I really love this little elephant. Cute and functional, win! Thanks Pinkcherry.com!

Size Queen

Guys, I have spent months on this review. Months. Normally when I do that it’s because the toy is really complicated. Lots of buttons. 75 power levels. 3 separate uses. Really high tech, high end stuff.

See, the thing is that this toy that took so long? It’s a dildo. Granted it’s a beautifully made dildo by Tantus called the Raptor. It’s gorgeous and flawless. There is not a seam on this thing anywhere. No imperfections, nothing. It’s realistic, other than the colors of course. Even the veins running along the shaft of this toy are done impeccably. This is one of the most aesthetically accurate dildos I have seen.

So what took so long then Serene?

Well let me tell you.

Actually, I’ll show you.

See the head of that toy? It is significantly larger than the shaft.

It bested me.

For four months it has bested me.

I have never found a toy I couldn’t eventually use if I kept at it. The first few times it wouldn’t work, or it would pinch a bit but I would figure it out.

I cannot use this toy the way it is intended to be used. I know what you’re thinking. I’ve heard the suggestions. I’ve given them myself. “Use lube!”  “Use lots of lube.” “Try using smaller toys then bigger and bigger until that toy works.” “Have several orgasms loosen yourself up.”

Guys. I cannot do it, and that pisses me off so bad because I really love the look and feel of this toy. It’s gorgeous, it’s affordable and if you are a daring size queen give it a try! For me? It’s a very pretty, very big clit toy.

Did you hide yourself away? I can’t see you anymore, did you eclipse another day?

A post in bullet points because I don’t have the function to form sentences without losing my shit yet. (This one not withstanding)

  • I’ve started reviewing again. Squee. Yay for libido come backs.
  • Pretty boy (formerly known here as Jason, but pretty boy just does him much more justice. Seriously. Sigh. ….Wait…where was I?) is contemplating a move to the US. I don’t mean like an hour over the border either. I mean the absolute opposite end of the country. Bah. It’s slowly peeling the skin from my person with the thought of him going. Good opportunities and all that put aside, I like him. I prefer him within groping distance.
  • I haven’t heard from C in months. He said he’d be around for me with everything going on. I’ve tried to contact him a lot. I’m pissed. As in, fuck you we’re no longer friends congratulations on fucking up like 14 years of friendship. Quite the fucking skill. Or I’ll just punch him in the throat when I see him next time and we’ll move on. It’s a toss up.
  • I am desperately wanting to go up and see the mountains again before fall hits. There’s just something about being up there that rests and resets me. Pagan roots and all that.
  • Once I Do the mountains thing I’ll give it a bit to see if it solves my issues. If not I’m making an appointment with my doctor to talk about some pills.
  • The above scares the shit out of me. I’ve watched people in my family be consumed and changed by these type of pills and that is not at all what I want but I am just out of options here.

Holy Shitballs.

So, it’s been eerily quiet here since I moved. Why? It’s been a shit storm. The month of June was spent in a depression and phase to dark that I didn’t even speak to most people outside of my house. When I did it took days to recover from it. Then, July hit with a vengeance. July was spent in the hospital.

My Grandmother had been sick for a couple months and it had intensified the last few weeks. She had no balance, wasn’t eating, couldn’t be left alone because she’d turn the stove on and walk away, she couldn’t get what she was trying to say out, etc. So, after several fights of all of us trying to get her to go to a doctor a family friend came into the house and packed her out to the car and took her to the hospital.

One week later they finally figured out that it was lung cancer that had stems leading off into the brain. They did radiation on her brain and were about to start on her chest when she started feeling pain. The cancer had hit the lymph nodes and it was everywhere. It was fatal before that happened but once it hit the glands it was instant. Within a day she was in a drug coma just so she wasn’t in constant pain, and about three days later she was gone. I’ve always been able to tell when a person is gone, even if their body is right in front of me. I knew she was gone the day before I Went in to see her for the last time. I was reading a book and as I turned the page it just hit me. I walked into the room the next day and could tell she wasn’t there anymore.

We had her wake week or so ago. It was nice, she would have liked it. She was never one for funerals. She wanted everybody together and drinking. So, that’s what we did. My mother got plowed. It was her way of dealing. Held her shit together until that day and lost it. My grandfather is doing okay, probably take some time to really hit home. My dad was a mess, my aunt a bigger mess. And I’ve… been okay. I teared up a bit twice and other had a couple days where my brain went for a shit because I was holding so much together that my brain went on strike. I was standing in the kitchen pouring a drink and it took several minutes for me to figure out why it was spilling. There was still water in the jug, why would it spill? Well, because I Was watching the jug empty, not the cup fill.

 

It’s gotten better, but the last two months have just royally sucked.  The last week I’ve been cleaning my parents room so I can paint and redo it for their anniversary. They wont be around that week so it will be a nice surprise. While they’re gone I’m spending time with Lady Di and Lori. Very excited for that. Branching out, living again. It’s exhausting work.