>Every Girl Deserves A Pearl

>So, before I get into this review I first want to apologize for the time it has taken to be put up. Though if you’ve read previous posts you know very well why that is.

I’d also like to take a moment to completely gush (Heh. Gush!) over this company. First of all… they are Canadian. Do you know what that means? When you order products you don’t have outrageous shipping fees, hidden fuck you up the ass fees, or any other added fees put in place just so you can even pick up your package. Nope. You pay your shipping.. and it’s yours. Right now they even have free shipping on orders over $49. That’s also in Canadian funds.. no sitting there trying to calculate what a purchase is really going to cost you. And another added bonus? If you look through their site you’re going to see a price comparison on pretty much ever single toy. It shows you how much you’re saving by shopping there. These prices are quite honestly the best I’ve seen. I have several times been flitting through the site, see something I have purchased before finding this company and cursed.. loudly. So, all my Canadian readers… this is where you want to shop!  And just because they’re awesome .. they also operate out of the US. Yes. They are in both Canada and the US so technically pretty much everything I just said (if not everything) also applies if you’re in the United States. What is this company you ask? Why it’s Pinkcherry.com! Which yes, does make me smile.

Now, on to the toy!

The sex toy I received is the Bcute Pearl by Bswish. This toy has actually been on my wishlist for a long time now. It seems to be one of those toys that is reasonable in price and looks good but just never seemed to make it into my cart. I’d always find a bigger, flashier toy.

Boy do I regret that now. Even though this toy is only a 3 inch insertable length.. it is awesome. It runs on one AA battery and is controlled by a dial at its base. Any toy I’ve ever gotten in the past that ran on a dial wasn’t very powerful. It seemed like it had endless options because of said dial but in reality it went from nothing to a gentle buzz. This vibrator however is not like that at all. As soon as the dial is turned even minutely it comes to life. At full power the entire thing vibrates more than I’ve seen some full vibrators go. The vibrations on this are actually really stimulating and relaxing which I realize are completely contradictory. It all depends on where you have the dial set.

For me personally, I use the low settings as a tease. When I’m ready to actually orgasm I turn it up all the way. However, I don’t actually use this toy internally. To me, the length just isn’t enough. Though it does tease well over the vaginal opening, I use it mainly for clit stimulation. This toy is actually the first toy that made me orgasm after over a month of stress and other random shit and my body was completely uncooperative with the whole orgasm thing. Until I tried this toy. I actually have a little rechargeable finger vibe toy.. and this little battery operated thing kicks its ass. As an added bonus this toy is made out of silicone and completely waterproof so it’s great to take into the tub with you.

The vibe comes in a beautiful cardboard box  with a picture of a woman in a bra on the front, and a picture of the toy on the side. So, this isn’t the most discrete packaging but it is really nice none the less. Inside the packaging is the toy and a nice little velvet feel pouch with the bswish logo sewed onto a tag on the side. The toy fits perfectly into the bag and that is a huge bonus considering the silicone on this toy is an absolute lint magnet. However, this also happen to a lesser degree in the bag. The little black fibers collect on the silicone so the toy does need to be washed before use as well as after. Just using a mild soap is generally good enough for this toy, I haven’t had any issues as of yet. While the stimulation on this vibrator is great, it is not anal safe at all. It’s fairly small and has no flared base so it can easily be sucked up inside of your body. I’d keep this toy for clit and vaginal use only just to be safe.

So, thank you to Pinkcherry.com for the toy to review, and for giving me my orgasms back!

PS. If you want to keep up to date on everything Pinkcherry.com is doing follow them on twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/pinkcherrytoys
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pinkcherrytoys
And go give their new blog a read! http://www.pinkcherry.ca/sex-toy-blog/

>A Great Idea

>You know what would be grand? A blog post of just every day items.

So, today that is exactly what I’m doing. No drama. No insanity. Just.. my day.

It was grocery day today so that always means an early morning. If you don’t remember I am not a huge fan of early mornings. But, I managed to drag my ass out of bed anyways… and promptly into the shower. It was freezing. My furnace has a tendency of going out when it’s cold. Lovely little quirk that one. So, I showered, scrubbed my hair and used the last of my color protect shampoo(Not sure if I’m going to keep dying it or not.), and went down to turn the furnace back on. Now, what I want to know is who the hell thought to put the furnace switch in the fucking ceiling? Even with a step ladder I was too damn short and had to go get my tree of a brother to do it for me.

I even managed to dry my hair this morning, which isn’t something I do every day. Not good for the hair, but gods do my curls go insane when I do it. I love it.

Once in town I did my usual shopping, with a bit of a twist. Zero frozen items, zero boxed items… all fresh. Which is damn close to what I normally do anyways but usually I get a bit just for everybody else in the house. This time they have veggies, fruit and nuts. I need to rework my system and they could do well with it as well. Needless to say the bill was a little higher this time, especially since I had medications I needed to get as well. For one inhaler for my asthma it was over $100. Ouch. Very much so. Entirely too bad I need the damn thing to breathe -.-

I also managed to find a sulfate free shampoo with argon oil in it. It’s actually a brand I’ve gotten before just a different model of it. So even if I don’t like the argon oil one I can go back to the one I used before. I’m oddly excited about this. It’s another step in taking care of myself better and I love it.

Earlier I made plans to go spend a movie night with Lady Di in a week or so. I love movie nights with her. We are hilariously awesome. I am completely comfortable around her. It’s a nice feeling. We also talked about going for weekly walks once she gets her car back so I’ll even be getting a bit of exercise. I’m also planning on doing a camping weekend with her, my uncle and a few other people. All these people are hilarious, and make me feel good and are people I’m comfortable around. It should be a really fun weekend. Especially if I get all the people I want to come. You know those friends you have where every time you see them you do nothing but laugh? That’s what all of these people are to me. And we feed off of eachother and it get .. not child safe fairly quickly. For the first time in a long time I’m really looking forward to something. I’m happy with it :)

>Treat Yourself

>You know, the last 9 months have been hell. The last month in particular. The breakup has absolutely fucking sucked. It’s hurt, a lot. I go between being upset and not giving a fuck/being angry. But even more of them time I’m just.. okay. I am. I am really okay without him. Which is something I never thought I’d say or even realize, let alone this soon. Or quite honestly, sooner. It was days after it happened that it first surfaced. For a while I thought I was in denial.. but I’m not. I’ve had something trigger me that would have caused the melt down if it was coming. I’ve had several things actually. The biggest one made me cry a bit… but even that faded and is water under the bridge now. So, I’m okay.

Now it’s a matter of piecing myself back together. Over the last few months I let a lot of things slide. Both in the relationship and just with myself. I love reading… I haven’t bought myself a book in over a year that wasn’t review related. I pretty much stopped cooking. I stopped spending money on myself. I literally scraped by with as little as I could with the mindset of “I’ll wait to buy that when we move in together,”  “He’d enjoy that too, I’ll wait to get it,” “He doesn’t really like that so I can’t have it.” Which, in a Mhy/s relationship to an extent makes sense. But quite honestly, the truth is he swallowed me alive. And again, while that is good in M/s it can also go too far, or be really, really bad when the relationship ends. I got lucky.. I had months to prepare me for this. I’m naturally a very strong person.. I’ve had to be. But, I lost myself in him. Even now I’m still trying to sort out what I like vs what he does. I loved corsets. LOVED them. Now I’m looking at them wondering if that was me or him. That is just one example in amidst hundreds.

Lately though, I’ve been doing things for myself. Even just silly things. For instance I ordered a shimmer filled lotion from EdenFantasys just because it makes me feel good. I have my eye on several other pampering products from them as well. Because I’m worth it, and I’m going to take care of myself, and spoil myself. I also recently got a commission check from them. (Btw guys, thank you for going and ordering products, it’s really helping me out.) Normally I’d put the money in the bank and save it. Tuck it away just in case. This time? I wasn’t expecting the check and I plan on taking that surprise money and going and buying myself a nice set of sheets. Why sheets? Because I want silk ones.. or bamboo ones, and yes that may mean waiting for another check ..or even another five. I am spending it on a luxury that I normally don’t spend more than $20 on. Again, because I Am worth it and why the fuck should I wait to get these things? There is no reason. I am reason enough to splurge now and then. I am reason enough to go buy that insanely priced luxury sex toy that I’ve been eying for months. I am reason enough to do all of these things.

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

>Thought

>I thought for a long time that I was really okay. And to be quite honest, thus far I am. I did however find a chink in my chain. You don’t wanna be the chink in my chain. (Name that movie!)

Anyways, a dom friend of mine came over the other day and we were discussing him having a little control over me. Well, we discussed it, worked out and he flicked my boob, gave a deep tissue massage(or my back is just a wimp) that’s left me faintly bruised and left. At which point I promptly bawled like a fucking baby. Turns out I’m doing okay as long as I’m away from that for a while. I haven’t patched and fixed everything yet. I now know that but gods that was a mess. I seem to have leveled out though.

Today I spent some time writing out lists of things I need to finish, or want to do for myself. I have almost a full page and I’m not done yet. It feels good to be productive again though and not just a waiting mess. And as an added ego boost I had somebody literally propose to me, and yet another person tell me “You’re drop dead gorgeous, so pretty! Your hair and eyes! I want to fuck you!” … I love the people I’m around. Seriously.

Over the last little while I’ve had a lot of friends send me songs. Some to make a point, some to make me laugh. Either way I thought I’d share some with you. (Of course not all of them are my taste but they sure made me laugh)

>Is That A Wocket In Your Pocket?

>Or just a vibrating panty?

Yes. You read that correctly. Good vibes sent me a set of lace panties for review. Being a sex toy shop of course they were more than just panties. These panties had a little bullet in the front that was controlled be a remote. Which of course is perfect for naughty dates, play parties, outings that could use a little spice and anything else you could possibly think of.

These panties have a breakdown as follows:

Panties : 85% Polyamide, 15% Spandex
Elastic : 75% Nylon, 25% Lycra
Ribbon : Polyester 
Bullet : ABS plastic
Panties fit 26 – 52” hip (66 – 132cm)

For me, the fit of these panties isn’t the greatest. However, it is a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I seen these as a fun date toy. I personally am used to “One size fits all” products totally not fitting. So the fact that these not only fit when tied closely to the ends of the strings, but actually needed dramatically taken in was a shock to me. So for that? Fuck yeah vibrating panties! Seriously.. huge ego boost which always helps with that sexy feeling. So, even if you don’t think they’ll fit you, or are like me and scoff at these things.. try them out. You may be surprised.

Now, while they fit… they did not fit me in a way I seen as flattering. Panties for curvy, bigger girls go two ways..either over the stomach or under. I know many people that prefer one of the other for both. I like them to go over.. I just don’t see the whole under the tummy thing attractive on my body. On others? Yes. On me. No. It wasn’t a matter of where the tie was at all, my issue came from the length of the actual panty part.. it is a hip hugging panty. So it would not fit the way I like.

Even with the fit issues I found that the bullet part actually nestled right against my clit. So, for that it is actually very well fitted because all the parts lined up as they should. I also found that not only did it vibrate my clit but my outter lips so it was an all over stimulation which for me causes me to climax a lot faster than pinpoint.

Now, as a final plus? This toy? It totally comes with batteries! That is a huge deal for anybody that has been ordering toys for a while. Very rarely do they come with batteries. So while this toy does  have an odd battery (23AE 12V for the remote) it is not something you have to worry about right away and you will have an example of what you’re looking for once you do need to replace it.

I really think this toy should be at least given a shot. It’s perfect for going to BDSM play parties where sexual contact isn’t encouraged. You can wear the panties and have your fun without any contact at all. If you’re a man that likes wearing panties.. these should fit you and give you a little extra stimulation. They cannot be heard at all once you have clothing on so wearing them walking around stores to keep you or your partner on edge is also totally plausible. There are really endless possibilities with this kind of toy.

Thank you to goodvibes for supplying the toy, I enjoyed reviewing it!

>What Doesn’t Kill You Makes A Fighter

>So, to make a very long, messy, horrible story short; Cael and I are finished.

As for what happened I’m not going to go into that for numerous reasons. I’ve removed him from almost all venues we talked in or he inhabited. Phone, computer, most sites. I’ve also removed him from auto updates from the blog. If he chooses to sign back up that is totally fine and his choice. I just know I did what I had to do, again for various reasons.

As far as how I am.. that’s a loaded question. It’s been about a week since everything exploded. The first night I cried… I cried hard. I cried hard enough I literally made myself sick. That night I also talked to Karson (Sephi’s fiance/master for those that don’t recall) and he helped a lot actually. I went from convulsions to just silent tears. The next day I was numb, and cried that night. The third day was the same. Since then.. I’ve been doing alright. Now, whether that’s because the last 9 months have unintentionally prepared me for this so I could handle it, or if I’m in complete denial and anything at any minute could set me off and shatter me entirely is still up for debate. I myself don’t know. I do not know if I’m okay. I don’t know how I’m doing. I’m functioning. I smile, and laugh when it feels natural. I’m not forcing anything. I’m doing okay as far as most things go. I’m doing amazingly considering I thought I’d shrivel up and die. Like I said, possibly denial. That’s not to say this isn’t hard.. because it is. It so is. I still pick up my phone to text him. I still eat and think “I have to include this in the email.” I’m currently remodeling the basement and every good idea I have I think “I have to tell him about that.” I miss talking to him. I miss him. I do. I lost my master, my boyfriend and my best friend since I was 16.

But I think I’m healing some of the hurt that’s happened the last few months as well so parts of me are coming back into themselves. I’ve spent the last week just doing things for myself. Bathes, taking the time to really take care of my curly hair not just wash and go, I’m wearing my birth ring every day because it makes me happy, I’m watching terrible shows and listening to shitty music because I want to. I’m going out, doing things… I’m just.. doing for me. And it’s helping. But it’s not pleasant. It. Just. Is.

P.S. Sephi is going to design a new background for the blog. I’m rebuilding my life from the ground up, myself, the house, and now the blog.

I also just want to say thank you to everybody that’s emailed me over the past week wondering if I was okay. It helped.

>Beauty

>I have literally spent over a year pouring though big chain book stores, little independent book stores, and even second hand book stores looking for a specific series of books. Very rarely did I find them, and when I did they were beaten up, or ridiculously priced, or would only appear on the stores website and would only be ordered in if enough people signed up to request it. Needless to say my name is still sitting on one of those lists years later.

The books I am talking about are The Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice. I finally found a store online, that I’m comfortable ordering from and trust, and as such I broke down and bought the first book. After of course squeeing delightfully at discovering they even carried it!

I devoured that book in less than a day. I plan to order the next two shortly and hopefully take them up to Caels with me. They grab me and don’t let me out of the story, which is perfect for going up to see him when he needs time alone. No problem, I gots my book! I did discover however, that these books put me in a very submissive mindset. Yes, even more than usual. Reading about the punishments and the pleasures, the  surrendering and the fighting.. it’s an amazingly engulfing BDSM store tale.

This has of course inspired me to go looking around the EdenFantasys site and see what else they have for books. I mean, yes they have sex toys but clearly I have missed some very important parts of this site if I am just now noticing they carry these books!

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

>Well, Damn

>I’m trying to remember the last time I made a post about a positive topic that didn’t somehow mention the shittyness that has been the last year. It’s been a while. Things have been crazy for quite a long time.

As I mentioned Cael is home. The surgery went okay, he has some left over issues from it that will need rehab for a long time but it could have been a lot worse. They think they’ve finally fixed the problem that he was having, I’m hopeful… if only because I want him to be okay and not be the wreck I am when he’s having these surgeries.

I’m planning to go up and see him in March, it could be a week it could be a month. We don’t know for sure yet. With how busy he is I’m kinda hoping for the month so I can spend a good amount of time with him. He’s not too enthused about me seeing him right now with the issues he’s having from the surgery. I’m not too enthused about him seeing me with the weight on.. I’m hoping we’ll both get over it and be a wreck together :)

My grandmother and Lady Di are wanting to take me up to a near by city at some point to go shopping for my birthday. It was the 17th of January. There wasn’t much celebrating, needless to say.

As far as eating disorders.. I’m doing okay. Yesterday was bad. Really bad. But it’s the first bad day I’ve had in a bit so all in all.. I’m okay. I’m back to the weight I was before I Gained it all back. I’ve dropped 36 in the last year. Not great, but not bad either. I’m hoping to get rid of some more before I go up to see Cael. I’m limiting my dairy. I’ve realized lately that I eat quite a bit of cheese, and that’s just not good. Especially since I have a minor dairy allergy. I can’t eat ice cream without having trouble breathing, same with just drinking milk. Yogurt I seem to be okay with though. I’ve been getting the greek yogurt so it’s better for me and has less sugar than a lot of the other ones I used to buy. Sour cream I use now and then, it’s not over board and I don’t use huge amounts when it is eaten so I’m alright there though I could replace it with greek yogurt and probably be okay. My issue, really is cheese. I love cheese. It’s great for protein, but I think if I cut down on it I’ll lose weight. The allergy makes it build up in my system so the weight builds too. I guess we’ll see what happens. I’m also trying to go every other day where  other than supper I just have smoothies or meal replacement shakes. It would help cut down on the dairy (I plan to replace what little milk I drink with Almond or Soy milk) and probably help with the weight loss. I wont do it every day because that’s just unrealistic and would make me gain all the weight back when I go back to eating normally again. I’m also cutting out as much processed, boxed food as I can. We don’t eat a lot of it as is around here but we can still have less. … and ya know, exercise. Gods do I have a hard time getting that going -.-

Other than that the only thing really going on is quite a few reviews that need done/are upcoming. Thus far I have :

Vibrating Panties

The Big Boss

Blue Liberator Jaz


Vibrating Mood Light

Bcute Pearl

So, I may be perhaps a little behind on reviews. *ahem*

>Ready

>I have a family member that’s overseas, fighting. I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately. Not him specifically, not the reasons that he’s there either. I’ve been thinking about what he told me last time he came home.

You don’t stop and think in the middle of a war zone. You fight, you move forward and gain ground. You act, and keep it together so you and as many people as possible make it out to the other side.

Why am I thinking about this? Because the last year and a little bit has been a war zone. There are very few people that I tell absolutely everything too, in fact I think that the only person I really do tell everything to is Cael. But there are close seconds for a few people. They’ve told me they think that I’m a strong person for going through everything and still remain functioning. Can you really be a strong person if you never really stop and look around at the carnage? 

I’m not saying I haven’t stumbled over a blown off limb, or tripped and set off a bomb. I totally have. There have been explosions. I have paused and cried for a few minutes before patching myself back up and pushing forward. Other times I haven’t pushed forward so much as just maintained my ground, not giving any of it up. The last year has had everything from almost losing Cael several times. Both when he was trying to sort himself out and then again when he had an accident and needed invasive brain surgery. I went for weeks where I didn’t know if he was alive or dead. Then somebody finally answered his phone and just made things worse. On top of that for Cael things, he had another surgery a while back, some stomach problems, broken bones and then the usual arguments that such that relationships tend to bring. I’ve had to adjust to having to share him until I can either get up there on a regular basis or move, and some days that still hurts. I don’t like sharing him, and he knows that. He’s also had some really bad bouts with other issues that I haven’t mentioned on here that have taken him away for months at a time, sometimes putting him in the hospital. Then there’s been struggling with my weight, and my eating disorders and a multitude of family issues, some I’ve mentioned, some I haven’t.

It hasn’t been an easy year. I’m ready to stop fighting, but I haven’t. You don’t stop in the middle of a war zone. Sometimes you can’t save everything or everybody. For the most part I stepped over bodies and moved forward to help Cael, to make sure he and I got through it. I don’t regret that at all. Not one bit. He’s where I want to be. I’m ready to move. To be with him and have him to myself. I’m ready to stop being thrown into the battles of everybody else. I know there will be people that I cut myself off from when I move, and I’m ready for that. It can’t be done now because they’re too close. When I move I will have 5 hours between us, have somebody to put above them more so than I do now. He still comes first but they still are able to worm in. Those little worm holes get closed when I move.

I plan to go up and see Cael for a while in March. It may be a fairly long visit, and I can feel it already. Feel that when I leave and come back here may not feel like home anymore. And I’m okay with that. I’m ready for it. Ready to go home, done with the war.